Poor Band Reduced to Eating Drink Ticket Casserole for Dinner Again


DOVER, Delaware — Struggling power-thrash band Boot Full of Piss recently said they sat down for a predictably cheap dinner where unused drink tickets were piled up and baked into something that resembled food. A van was confirmed to pay for the source gas that had to be sold.

“Look at what we’ve scaled down. At times like this, I wish I hadn’t lost my job at Guitar Center by getting drunk behind a Peavey display,” says drummer Smitty Twindles. I lamented. “It’s pretty depressing that I had to save those tickets in the first place. The band doesn’t have to choose between food and booze and even amphetamines. Thankfully my aunt passed away last week, so I took everything in my aunt’s fridge and mixed it up with drink tickets to cause this mess. It might kill us, but this is the price you pay.

Several venue owners have defended their decision not to pay the band in any currency other than lukewarm Bud Lights bills of exchange.

“These jagged ones are lucky to get something. I think we were avoiding it,” explains Doug Klondike, owner of The Beached Whale Taproom. “They should probably quit while leading. ”

Punk celebrity chef Pit Beef endorsed the band for innovative use of drink tickets as food.

“As explained in the book Eat Me: 101 recipes for a touring band When KKK to my lasagna: fight fascism with oreganowhen you’re in a band, sometimes you have to be creative when figuring out where your meals are coming from,” said the heavily tattooed star of Viceland’s “Eat Me Out.” “Are there a bunch of half-filled beer cans lying around at the party last night? That’s breakfast right now. Was the drummer run over by a cat in the tour van? That’s lunch. I’m these boys.” and applaud their ingenuity – and you can read all about it in my next book Touring on a Budget: How to Convince a Bassist There’s Calories in the Air

At press time, Boots Full of Pis was still trying to smother the casserole with the promise of drink ticket pudding if everyone was in a clean plate club.

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