Dear Abby: Father of five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no effort to parent

Dear Abby: I am having a big problem with my boyfriend. We had a baby 5 months ago and he has changed dramatically since then. I had an addiction problem, but I was dealing with it. He told me babies are a powerful motivator. My pregnancy was blissful and he took great care of me.

I know babies are stressed, but our baby had colic and we had many screaming-filled nights. increase. I quit his job and nursed him to be a stay-at-home mom. The only time my boyfriend takes care of the baby is when I take a shower. He drinks every night and now he does marijuana. He’s pretty funny when he’s high, but when he’s like that, I don’t believe he’ll take care of our son. I’m here.

He gets defensive when I try to tell him how I feel. He accuses me of “trying to cause trouble”. He also lies about his addiction. I only recently found out about some of his lies and now I have a hard time believing what he says. This is not what I wanted for our baby. I’m not sure if I should stick with it or quit. I have to find a job and raise a child. Thinking about my son in daycare makes me sick, but it also makes me sick to be treated like this. please tell me. — Troubled New Mom

Dear Mother: Face it. Your boyfriend is retreating and you can no longer trust him to be honest with you. Start looking for reliable day care for your baby and work. Then you will inevitably have a head start. If you and this man separate, he will have legal liability to help support his son, which may also be the “shock” he needs to get straight again.


Dear Abby: I am a queer woman in love with a girl. “Gwen” is a kind, outgoing, and highly intelligent person. The poetry she writes is wonderful and sometimes breaks her heart. We are close friends and are united through our writing. Her wife and I have been open about my feelings for this girl and she understands why I like her.

The problem is that Gwen is straight. She says, partly jokingly, that she finds being heterosexual “oppressive.” We won’t go into too many details, but she has struggled with her past relationships and is currently single.

I am bound and determined to nip this crush in the bud. I think it’s unethical to tell Gwen about it. She’s pretty sure she’s straight, but my brain refuses to shake this “feeling”. I fear it will ruin our friendship. what do i do? — Clash in Indiana

Dear Crushing: Do the same as any other mature married person. Stay away from anything that could threaten not only your relationship with Gwen but your marriage. Feeling “oppressive” (I joked) or being bisexual shouldn’t affect your creative relationship with her. , see her less often.


Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


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